المساعد الشخصي الرقمي

مشاهدة النسخة كاملة : ترجمة الجزء الثاني من قصة " السلخ " للاستاذ عبد الحميد الغرباوي



سمير الشناوي
25/08/2007, 08:28 PM
استغربت طلبه، وأمام الضعف الإنساني الذي استحوذ على عقلي و كياني في تلك اللحظة، لم أجد من حل سوى أن أخضع لأمره ...
This sounded odd to me. However, under the pressure of human weakness that possessed my body and soul at that moment, I found no way out but to obey.


أسرعت إلى أقرب محل لبيع السجائر و أنواع العلك و أقراص الحلوى و الشوكلاطة و الطوابع البريدية و طبعا بطاقات الحظ من النوع الذي يحك و التي غير ما مرة، رأيت الناس يتهافتون على شرائها دون أن أعيرها اهتماما يذكر، بل كنت أستهجنها..

I rushedto the nearest shop that sells cigarettes, gums, candies, postal stamps, and of course the scratch and win coupons. Usually, I saw many people flocking to buy these coupons, but I had never paid attention. Actually, I detested them.

عدت أركض...
I dashed back to the office.

عرق غزير يسيل من جبهتي و إبطي..
Sweat was overflowing from my fore brow and armpit.

خشيت أن يتحول العرق إلى رائحة كريهة... شممت تحت إبطي، كانت الرائحة لا تزال في بداية تكونها، و خمنت أن اللقاء، على كل حال، لن يدوم طويلا.. و أن الرائحة لن تعلن عن نفسها بكل جرأة و وقاحة إلا حين أكون في الشارع، و في الفضاء الواسع....
I was afraid that it would turn stinky. I smelled my armpit; the smell was still nascent. This interview, I guessed, would not last for long, and the smell would not announce itself plainly and bluntly except in the street in the wide space.

و دون أن أطرق الباب، دفعته و دخلت...
وضعت أمامه بطاقة صغيرة مزركشة بخطوط و رسوم و ألوان مرجانية و أنا أجلس
لاحظت أنه يتحاشا النظر إليها، كما لو أنه يخشى منها أذى يصيبه.. أو يخشى أذى يصيبها منه...

Without knocking, I pushed the door open and stepped in. I placed in front of him a small coupon decorated with coral lines, drawings and colors. While sitting, I noticed he was avoiding looking at it, as if he was afraid it would inflict harm on him, or he would inflict harm on it.

و هو يمد إلي قطعة نقدية فضية، أمرني أن أحك الشريط الرمادي الذي يتوسطها... لم أستغرب طلبه، والبطاقة لا بد لها من حاك...
He handed me a silver coin, and ordered me to scratch the grey strip in the coupon. This was no surprise; the coupon should be scratched anyway

كان يراقبني و أنا أحك...
He was observing me, while I was scratching

و خطر على بالي خاطر خطير..
ألا تكون طريقتي في حك البطاقة، اختبارا آخر لمعرفة مدى ما أتمتع به من كفاءات و مهارات؟..
ألا يكون عاملا من عوامل نجاحي أو فشلي..

A brilliant thought crossed my mind: "is the way I scratch the coupon a test of how far I am skilled and competent; maybe it is a factor of success and failure".

و دون أن أشغل نفسي كثيرا بمعرفة الجواب، شرعت في الحك... و بإتقان...
Not dwelling so much on attempting to know the answer, I started scratching --- with adroitness.

... فسلكت منهجا في ذلك، لا هو بحك شديد و لا هو بحك --- بين بين
My approach to this was neither a hard nor light scratching. It was something in between.

يقتضي أن أبدأ أولا بالزوايا، يلي ذلك الحك من فوق تارة و من تحت تارة أخرى، راسما في ما قبل الحكة الأخيرة ما يشبه شريطا دقيقا مستطيلا... وبحكة واحدة خفيفة، مضبوطة و رشيقة أزلت الطبقة الرمادية خفيفبدت الأرقام..
I had to start from the corners, then scratching high some time and low another, drawing in by my scratching a rectangular strip. Finally , in one scratch, accurate and light, I removed the grey layer, revealing the numbers .

و لست أدري كيف تملكتني لحظتها، رغبة شديدة في أن أحك جلدة رأسي...
I did not know how I was haunted at that moment by a strong desire to scratch my head.

و سرعان ما اجتاحتني رغبة لاذعة حارقة في حك كامل جسدي...
Soon I was swarmed by a burning craze to scratch my whole body.

شيء ما يأكلني...
Something was eating me up.

أحسست أني أتعرض لجريمة افتراس...
I felt that I was being devoured by a criminal.

كما لو أن جحافل نمل تغزوني من الرأس و إلى أخمص القدمين، تقرصني قرصا...
It was as if a colony of ants had been invading me from head to toe, and biting me off.

لم أهتم لأمر الأرقام التي بدت جلية..
I did not care about the figures that had obviously appeared.

كانت الرغبة الشرسة في الحك تلهيني عن التفكير حتى في ما سيؤول إليه اللقاء من نتائج..
أما هو، فما أن رأى الأرقام، حتى اتسعت حدقتا عينيه،احمر وجهه و اصفر، فغر فاهه و هو ينظر إلى البطاقة أمامه...

The ferocious desire for scratching kept me busy from thinking about the results of this interview. On his part, upon seeing the figures and the coupon in front of him, his eyes were stretched open , his face turned red and yellow, and his mouth opened wide

بلع ريقه في صعوبة تفضح ما أحدثته الأرقام في داخله، وسرعان ما دارى اندهاشه بمسحة من الهدوء و الاتزان المفتعلين، أما أنا فكنت في تلك الأثناء أقاوم...
He swallowed with difficulty disclosing what these figures had done to him. But he soon managed to mask his surprise by a touch of artificial tranquility and balance. I was, in the meantime, resisting…..

وجدت متعة و راحة في الحك...
I found pleasure and comfort in scratching

و بخفة تنم عن تجربة و حنكة، وضع البطاقة في درج من مكتبه، و خاطبني معلقا:
With a dexterity that reveals long experience, he slipped the coupon into the drawer of his desk.

ـ محظوظ، محظوظ... يعني... سننظر في ملفك خلال اجتماع هذا المساء...
He said "Lucky –lucky—we will consider your file in this evening meeting".

و مد يده إلي مودعا، فمددت إليه يدا، بينما اليد الأخرى كانت منشغلة بالحك..
He extended his hand to me for a goodbye shake. I extended mine, while the other was busy scratching.

ضغطت أصابعه الغليظة على أصابعي بقوة... كانت الضغطة موجعة، لكن ألم الافتراس الذي أتعرض إليه كان أوجع..

His bulky fingers pressed strongly on my fingers. The pressure was hurting, but the ache of being devoured was more painful.

خرجت... في الشارع، سرت على الرصيف بدماغ يملأه البياض دون أن أتوقف عن الحك...
I walked out….to the street, without stopping scratch. I walked on the sidewalk, with my head being filled with white spots.

و كالتماعة برق، و في غفلة من الوعي الذي يشدني إلى الواقع، بدا لي أن هذا الحك الذي بلغت حدته الذروة، سلخ عن جسمي طبقة الجلد الرفيعة لتحل محلها أرقام ...
Like a lightening flash, and in a momentary lapse of consciousness that strings me with reality, it seemed to me that the scratching which reached its maximum, was stripping off a layer of my skin , and placing numbers instead.

سمير الشناوي
مع خالص تحياتي للاديب الكبير الاستاذ عبد الحميد الغرباوي
والمترجم المبدع الاستاذ احمد الاقطش

معتصم الحارث الضوّي
25/08/2007, 11:54 PM
Dear Sameer
A few remarks to ponder upon

- I found no way out but to obey. How about the verb conede instead of obey
- Sweat was overflowing from my fore brow. How about forehead instead of fore brow
- the smell was still nascent. Let me congrtulate you on a superb choice of word here
- would not last for long. How about adding the word anyway
- grey strip in the coupon. How about changing the preposition to on
- invading me from the head to toe. How about removing the identifying article
- He swallowed with difficulty disclosing. How about replacing disclosing with revealing

Congratulations on a fine bit of literary translation.
Kind regards

سمير الشناوي
25/08/2007, 11:59 PM
عزيزي معتصم

مقترحات رائعة :fl: -- ومقبولة تماما

مودتي وتقديري

سمير الشناوي

عبد الحميد الغرباوي
26/08/2007, 12:30 AM
شكرا للعزيزين الأستاذين أحمد الأقطش و سمير الشناوي على ما بذلاه من جهد ، وما منحاه من وقت ثمين في ترجمة نص " السلخ"..
الترجمة هدية أعتبرها من أثمن الهدايا التي أتلقاها خلال هذه السنة و في حفل تكريمي...
و شكرا للعزيز معتصم الذي يبدو أنه قدم بعض التعديلات و الاقتراحات..
و بالمناسبة لي رجاء عند أخي سمير أن يعمل على جمع القسمين المترجمين في نص واحد و يبعث به على إيميلي الخاص، أو يعيد نشره بالكامل هنا، و أنا أعمل على نسخه و إرساله إلى منتدى ميدوزا..
مودتي

سمير الشناوي
26/08/2007, 01:06 AM
شكرا للعزيزين الأستاذين أحمد الأقطش و سمير الشناوي على ما بذلاه من جهد ، وما منحاه من وقت ثمين في ترجمة نص " السلخ"..
الترجمة هدية أعتبرها من أثمن الهدايا التي أتلقاها خلال هذه السنة و في حفل تكريمي...
و شكرا للعزيز معتصم الذي يبدو أنه قدم بعض التعديلات و الاقتراحات..
و بالمناسبة لي رجاء عند أخي سمير أن يعمل على جمع القسمين المترجمين في نص واحد و يبعث به على إيميلي الخاص، أو يعيد نشره بالكامل هنا، و أنا أعمل على نسخه و إرساله إلى منتدى ميدوزا..
مودتي

الاستاذ عبد الحميد

لقد شرفت انا واحمد بترجمة قصتك الجميلة

وسوف اقوم بالمطلوب بعد اكتمال التعديلات في القريب العاجل ان شاء الله


سمير الشناوي

سولارا الصباح
03/09/2007, 03:41 AM
جهد ممتاز فى الترجمة

وهنا مساهمتى فى ترجمة نفس القصة بمنتدى ميدوزا بمناسبة تكريم الاستاذ القدير عبدالحميد الغرباوي و r] قمت بترجمة نصوص اخرى له سوف يتم ادراجها بالمنتدى لاحقا
سولارا الصباح

منتدى ميدوزا (http://www.midouza.net/vb/showthread.php?t=4776)


The Flaying

Abdel hamid Gharbaoui
Translated by Solara Alsabah
Finally, I was able to obtain an appointment with an official from the Department of Employment. I knocked on the door and opened it without waiting for the permission to enter.

I stepped towards him with a few steps, steps that I tried to make sturdy, but I failed, though I managed to put on a pale smile.
He pointed towards a chair in front of him. I bowed before I sat down. On the glass surface of his office I placed a green envelope that contains a set of documents that will speak on my behalf.

He opened the envelope and browsed through the papers with skilled, hairy and big white fingers, then close the envelope and puckered his lips. Through his medical eyeglasses he glanced at me with looks that had no meaning, or possibly they had meaning but I wasn’t certain what they meant.
He smiled and said: “are you lucky?”

I was sitting silently the whole time. His question drowned me more in my silence. The silence wasn’t fear from him or wisdom from my side; rather it’s Convinced of the futility of speech.

I was stunned completely by his question; I couldn’t find any expression to respond or to figure out what was the hidden message behind the question!
He repeated his question in different wording: “ Do you see yourself as one of those who posses good fortune?”

How do I know!
Most of those and whom we call fortunate people in the World do not need luck to be so.
What I feel now it gives me the privilege and status of “Misfortunate” and unchallenged, I won the title “ The chief of the misfortunate people”

I’m an unlucky man.
I need a little bit of success.

Two answers attended my mind at that instant to respond to his question. The first impulsive answer came to my mind was: “If I’m a lucky man, will I be here now! And facing you! And of course I didn’t dare to say it. In stead I said, “I think I see myself as those who are fortunate.
I intended by this response to deal with his thoughts in contrive to gain his confidence ...


All institutions are striving in a quest of success and wishing seriously that all their staff would be lucky and successful in providing high-quality service to the work they are doing.

“I think I see myself as those who are fortunate.” I said,
His instant answer was, “That not good enough! I have to be certain and place that into practice right away!
Moment of silence, he examined me with his eyes, then said;
-“ Do you have money?”
“Pardon me!”
“A few dirhams?”
“ I have some.”
“ Then go to the nearest shop and buy a scratch and win card and come back quickly, you will find me here waiting for you!” He added affirmatively, “ Make sure it is a scratchy card”.

At this moment, the human vulnerabilities took a grasp over my mind and my entire being. Although I astonished by his request, I didn’t find any way out only to comply with his command.
I rushed to the nearest shop, the kind that sells cigarettes, different kind of chewing gum, candies, chocolates, stamps and of course lottery cards and of the type of scratch and win.
Many times I came across those cards and noticed many people were buying it but I paid little attention to it, as a matter of fact I was censuring it.

I returned back running,
The sweat poured out from my forehead and my under armpits. I worried the sweat would turn to bad odour and could be smelly. I sniffed under my arm. The odour was at the beginning of its formation. I speculated the meeting wont take longer and the odour wont dare to declare it self and be noticeably smell unless I’m out in the street or somewhere in an open space.

Without knocking on the door, I pushed it and entered. I placed in front of him a small scratch card decorated with some stripes, pictures and coral colors.
As I was sitting I noticed he was avoiding looking at the card, as if he was afraid of harm that might be caused by the card and befall on him, or visa versa.
He handed me a piece of silver coin, and asked to scratch the gray stripe in the middle of the card. I wasn’t surprised by his command, since I know the card has to be scratched.

He watched me while I was scratching. All of a sudden I wondered what if this is his way to test my abilities and skills! Scratching the card might be one way to test whether I will be successful person or a failure in doing my job! Without thinking twice about all the possibilities of any answers that might spur from my thoughts, carefully I started scratching the card. I created my own unique way in doing that, with an easy touch not rough or hard, first I started with the corners then the top of the card, then the bottom, and before I carried out the last scratch, I drew thin lines in the middle forming what it look like a triangle, and with one accurate and exact stroke I removed the gray surface of the card and revealed all the figures beneath it!

At this moment in time I did not know exactly how I felt the urge of scratching my scalp.
Suddenly I felt strong burning sensation to scratch my entire body, which started to itch, it felt like a devouring crime violated me. Like an army of ants conquered and bitten me from my head to my toes.
I did not pay any attention to the numbers that started to be clear and obvious. The fierce desire of the itch and the scratch hampered my thoughts, and I never bothered to think about the outcomes results of this meeting either.

He looked at the card in front of him, when he saw the figures, his eyes widened, his face turned red and yellow, then he opened his mouth in disbelief, with difficulty he swallowed his saliva exposing the feelings which were caused by the figures within him. However, immediately with a quick calm and fake wise manner he hid his astonishment; in the meantime I was resisting but I found enjoyment and console in scratching.

With expert well-trained hands that show his skills, he put the card in his office drawer. And said, “Lucky, you are lucky. I mean… we will take in our considerations your file in our next meeting at this evening!”
He extended his hand saying goodbye, I extended one hand while the other one was busy scratching.
He pressed his strong fingers against my fingers it was hurting pressure but the ache of the devouring which I was facing was more painful.

I exited his office. In the street, I walked on the sidewalk. My brain filled with white emptiness.

In split second as if it was a sparkle of lightning, and in the heedlessness of the consciousness that connected me with the reality, it seemed to me this scratching which reached its crucial peak by then was skinning the supple layer of my skin and replacing it by figures!


لقراءة النص بالعربية اضغط هنا:
To read the story in Arabic click here

الســلخ

سمير الشناوي
03/09/2007, 10:22 AM
العزيزة سولارا


ترجمة ممتازة

مع خالص التمنيات بالتوفيق

سمير الشناوي

أحمد الأقطش
03/09/2007, 05:14 PM
بعد كل الشكر والتقدير للأخ الأكبر والمترجم العزيز

سمير الشناوي

على تلبيته طلبي بترجمة الجزء الثاني من قصة أستاذنا العزيز عبد الحميد نظراً لانشغالي

فإنني قد استمتعت بمطالعتي لهذا المجهود، إذ ما كان لي أن أنتج ترجمة بمثل هذه الروعة والمتانة .

فاسمح لي سيدي ببعض الاقتراحات المتواضعة :

---------------------------------------------------------

لم أجد من حل سوى أن أخضع لأمره
I found no way out but to obey

أقترح :
I found nothing to do but to submit to his request


رائحة كريهة
Stinky

أقترح :
Disgusting


كانت الرائحة لا تزال في بداية تكونها
the smell was still nascent

أقترح :
The smell was in its beginning


وضعت أمامه بطاقة صغيرة
I placed in front of him a small coupon

أقترح وضع in front of him في آخر الجملة مراعاة للتراكيب الإنجليزية


والبطاقة لا بد لها من حاك
the coupon should be scratched anyway

أقترح :
the coupon should have been scratched anyway


ألا تكون طريقتي في حك البطاقة، اختبارا آخر لمعرفة مدى ما أتمتع به من كفاءات و مهارات؟..
is the way I scratch the coupon a test of how far I am skilled and competent

أقترح :
Could my way of scratching the coupon be another test to know the abilities
and skills I had?


و دون أن أشغل نفسي كثيرا بمعرفة الجواب، شرعت في الحك... و بإتقان...
Not dwelling so much on attempting to know the answer, I started scratching --- with adroitness.

أقترح :
Waiting for no answer, I began to scratch carefully

جلدة رأسي
the skin of my head

أقترح :
my scalp

من الرأس و إلى أخمص القدمين
from the head to toe

هناك تعبير أعتقد أنه الأشيع
from head to toes

دون أن أتوقف عن الحك
without stopping scratch

أقترح
without stopping scratching

--------------------------------------------
وبعد ،،

فنعم الأخ ونعم العون .... ونعم المترجم .

فتقبل خالص تقديري واعتزازي ومحبتي

سمير الشناوي
05/09/2007, 06:12 AM
عزيزي احمد الاقطش

جزيل شكري على ملاحظاتك
وسوف اعيد قراءتها دها ان شاء الله
بارك الله فيك



سمير الشناوي

د. دنحا طوبيا كوركيس
10/09/2007, 10:40 PM
عزيزي الأستاذ الغالي سمير الشناوي.

طالما كان دافعك الأنساني والمعرفي هو خدمة الآخر، وطالما كانت ثقتي بك عالية، أرجو مراجعة الأقتراحات التي أوردها طيا، عسى أن تضيف لترجمتك شيئا غفلت عنه في زحمة الشغل ومتطلبات الحياة. وبهذه المناسبة، أشكر الأخ أحمد الأقطش على ملاحظاته التي لا تقل أهمية عما سأشير اليه.

محبتي.

د. دنحا


1. That sounded odd. Possessed by frailty at the moment, I had no choice but be submissive.

Reasons:1. body & soul, including mind are redundant.
2. frailty is a human attribute while weakness is general.

2. scratch 'n win tickets (or instant win tickets)…… I had never given them a damn; for I honestly disliked the game.

3. dashed back into
4. while sweat was running down my armpit and forehead .
5. was nascent, i.e. about to develop
6. However, the interview…….wouldn't take long….except in the street and spacious areas.
7. I placed before him a small card….
8. ….and asked me to scratch….
9. ..observing me while…
10. Meanwhile a serious thought……"Could the way I'm scratching the ticket be a test to see how smart and competent I was?!" Could it index success?
11. I continued scratching, successfully though.
12. And to achieve the task, I started to scratch gently commencing once with the top corners and another with ones at the bottom; hence coming up with a………. And in one move…..
13. I couldn't tell how a strong desire made me scratch my hair at the moment.
14. …invading me from tip to toe
15. ….about the outcome of the interview. ….upon seeing the digits..
16. the pupils of his eyes grew wild,…..and his mouth set wide open.
17. …what those figures had done to him………….resisting the temptation
18. ……that revealed rich experience….Lucky you. Lucky you……at this evening meeting
19. …..his hand for a goodbye …..while the other was still busy scratching
20. ….but the agony of being devoured…
21. ….street. I walked along the sidewalk. My head was blank, but scratching was never willing to stop.
22. ….that strove to bring me back to reality……which reached its zenith …. and placing instead just numbers!

سمير الشناوي
10/09/2007, 10:48 PM
الاستاذ الفاضل دنحا

جزيل شكري على ملاحظاتك القيمة ، وتصويباتك السديدة لترجمتي:fl:
نعم المعلم -- بارك الله فيك:vg:

و ساقوم بمراجعة الترجمة في ضوء ما اوردته


سمير الشناوي