plz check translation of this paragraph

[تسنيم رجب]

من قصة منى العمد: وجهه البريء.
بعد الظهر عاد زوج رجاء إلى منزله، فوجئ برجاء تستقبله بسعادة عند الباب. وكان غالباً يجدها عند عودته تركض مابين المطبخ وغرفة الطفل، فإذا سلم بادرته مشتكية! ثم فوجئ بغداء منزلي دسم، وقد اعتاد أن يأكل الوجبات السريعة أو الجاهزة خاصة منذ قدوم الطفل الجديد، وتفقد طفله فإذا هو الآخر ينام في هدوء وسكينة، فقال في رضا يشوبه تعجب: ولولا إذ دخلت جنتك قلت ما شاء الله لا قوة إلا بالله(الكهف:39) ضحكت رجاء ملء قلبها.
في المساء دار الحديث بين الزوجين عن طفلهما الجديد، قال الزوج: هلا أفصحت؟ أرى بعينيك كلاماً كثيراً، قالت باسمة: نعم هناك كلام طويل لكني سأختصر. قال كمن يتوقع تفجير قنبلة: هات، قالت: قررت ألا أذهب للعمل قبل أن يتم طفلنا حولين كاملين. أدرك الزوج أنه قرار لا رجعة عنه، قال: أتستقيلين أم تأخذين إجازة؟ قالت وهي تنظر ناحية المهد: أي شيء... أي شيء!

i translated it into english like this:

In the after noon, her husband came home and found her greeting him at the door, holding her son. He was profoundly surprised because he was used to see her running between the kitchen and the baby trying to complete her chores and preparing lunch. He smiled happily and recited the verse joyfully, "why did you not, as you entered into the garden, say, Allah Will (be Alone)! There is no power but from Allah."
Raja laughed her heart out.
In the evening, her husband asked, "Isn’t there anything you want to tell me?"
Raja' smiled heartily, "yes there is so much to say but I will summarize it in a few words."
He urged her, "yes?"
She said, "Well, I decided not to attend my job unless our child is two years old." Her husband understood that her decision was unquestionable, He asked, "you will resign or will take leave?" she said with her eyes on the cradle and her hand waving in the air, "whatever… I don’t care."
__________________
what do u think
any suggestions
plz reply
salam

[فيصل السعدي]

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
هذا ما فهمته من النص، وهذه ترجمتي المتواضعة! أرجو أن أكون قد وفقت في ذلك! ولك مني وردة وألف تحية!
His Innocent face

In the Afternoon Raja’s husband returned home husband, he was surprised that she received him happily at the door. Upon his return, he used to find her running between the kitchen and the child's room complaining all the time. He used to eat fast or ready-to eat food since the advent of a new baby, but this time he was surprised that Raja has prepared him a very delicious lunch. He went to see his child but he found that the baby was sleeping in peace and quietness, he said in a satisfaction streaked exclamation: “It was better for you to say, when you entered your garden: 'That which Allâh wills (will come to pass)! There is no power but with Allâh (al-Kahf: 39) Raja laughed out from the bottom of her heart.
In the evening, they both had a chat about the new baby, the husband says: I can see many things with your own eyes, so would you say it? She said smiling: Yes, there is a long talk but I will be brief. He said as if he was expecting a bomb to be set off: speak out! She said: "I have decided not to go to work before our child is two years old. The husband realized that the decision was irreversible, so he said: Are you resigning or taking a leave? She said, looking towards the baby’s cradle: It doesn’t matter! anything ... Anything!

[تسنيم رجب]

salam brother that is very informative thank u very much
hoping that u allow me to take a few phrases from u. like the translation of
this verse above and that part that i unintentionally missed translating
thanks alot
salam

[نجاة محمد]

I think that it would be better to say
In the Afternoon Raja’s husband returned home husband, he was surprised that she received him happily at the door. Upon his return, he used to find her running back and forth between the kitchen and the child's room complaining all the time. He used to eat fast or ready-made food since the advent of a new baby, but this time he was surprised that Raja has prepared him a very delicious lunch. He went to see his child but he found that the baby was sleeping in peace and quietness, he said in a satisfaction streaked exclamation: “It was better for you to say, when you entered your garden: 'That which Allâh wills (will come to pass)! There is no power but with Allâh (al-Kahf: 39) Raja laughed out from the bottom of her heart.
In the evening, they both had a chat about the new baby, the husband says: I can see many things with your own eyes, so would you say it? She said smiling: Yes, there is a long talk but I will be brief. He said as if he was expecting a bomb to be set off: speak out! She said: "I have decided not to go to work before our child is two years old. The husband realized that the decision was irreversible, so he said: Are you resigning or taking a leave? She said, looking towards the baby’s cradle: It doesn’t matter! ![/LEFT][/QUOTE]
I thank you so much for the translation, personally I appreciate it. I hope that you will take my suggestion into consideration.

back and forth between
ready-made food....
whatever....whatever.
....

[عبدالله بن سالم]

السلام عليكم
الترجمة جيدة الى حد ما , لكن اريد ان اقول ان الترجمة فن, وخاصة في الترجمة الابدية, بمعنى ان المترجم لا يلتزم مئة بالمئة بالترجمة الحرفية لان ذلك سيخلق نوعا من الغموض , وايضا مراعاة المتلقي! فثقافة اللغة العربية تختلف عن الانجليزية وتتنوع بغزارة الالفاظ وايضا كما هو معروف ان الحشو موجود بكثرة في العربية,
لاحظت ايضا ان الجميع ابتدأ الترجمة بظرف الزمان كما في النص الاصلي! فما الضير في تأخير الظرف الى منتص الجملة او حتى اخرها, ايضا منكم من نسي انه يتكلم في الماضي وفجأة يكتب بصيغة الحاضر ثم يعود للماضي, ايضا علامات الترقيم مهمة جدا في الترجمة, فلو لاحظنا ترجمة نجاة محمد في السطر الاخير:
She said, looking towards the baby’s cradle: It doesn’t matter!
الترجمة قالت:النظر باتجاه مهد الطفل: لايهم.
فكان منالافضل استبدال الفاصله بكلمة ربط او تأخيرshe said
والى الامام

[محمود عباس مسعود]

تحية طيبة:
هذه محاولة متواضعة لترجمة المقطع:

His Innocent Face

Raja's husband returned home in the afternoon and was surprised to see her happily welcoming him at the door. Normally, whenever he returned home, he would find her running between the kitchen and the baby's room; and when he greeted her she would accost him with her complaints!

Since the arrival of the baby, he has accustomed himself to eating ready meals or fast food; but today he was surprised to find a hearty meal awaiting him. He checked on his baby and found him peacefully asleep. He said amidst rejoicing and surprise: "As you enter your heaven say God's will be done, for there is no power save God's power." (The Cave: 39)

In the evening the couple talked about the new baby, and the husband said: "I see in your eyes many words awaiting utterance, would you share what's on your mind?"
She answered: "Indeed there is much to say, but I will be brief."

He said, as though expecting a bomb ready to explode: "Go ahead, I am waiting."
"I have decided not to go back to school before our baby reaches the full age of two.", she answered, smiling.

Realizing that it was a final decision, the husband inquired: "Are you thinking of submitting your resignation or taking a maternity leave of absence?"
She answered while gazing in the direction of the crib: "Whatever... whatever!"

[تسنيم رجب]

salam
sister najat muhammad thank u very much to ur additions i wil keep them in mind surely.may Allah reward u for it

brother abdullah bin salim i too much respect ur suggestions but i have been told several times this comment,- that i shouldnt be doing literal translation.-.. i would love to be told: am i reducing the meaning & its depth by that? yes u r right that english has its own way & arabic has its own. that is very much true brother but i mean i cant understand what is the problem if i do literal translation & I am keeping in mind that i dont violate the english rules because all the non arabs who read what i translated said that it doesnt seem that it was not in english.... am i violating any rule ...look i am really feeling frustrated because every one tells me u shouldnt do literal translation but then they dont explain where the problem is. they dont localize the wrong area of what i translate .i could get great help from what my brothers n sisters did & that is profoundly helpful i value that & i shall keep that in mind but what u said i hope u would explain & locate where the problem is & where i have failed in my translation..... I would be truly thankful…
i also would love to know from the specialized & non specialized in translation whether i should continue translation? ….if i am wasting time then i should stop
Hope u give me a just comment
thank u all
&

brother muhmood abbas masood ! what u wrote was very informative actually i am impressed with the very exact translation u gave me. that was exactly what i needed .thank u & i hope u would answer what i have just asked brother abdullah bin salim. i would be glad to hear ur openion.....

[تسنيم رجب]

i am very glad to find people who can give me the time & who help
i hope Allah will reward u all
thanks again

[محمود عباس مسعود]

تحية طيبة:
بالعودة إلى سؤالك لمعرفة النواحي التي ينبغي تداركها، أولاً يرجى الأخذ بعين الإعتبار أننا عندما نترجم لا نترجم كلمات وعبارات ومقاطع وحسب، بل مفاهيم واعتبارات ثقافية أيضاً. نحاول نقل الفكرة دون ضرورة التقيد التام بالأصل. ولعمل ذلك يجب أن يكون المترجم متمكناً من اللغتين وعلى معرفة بالثقافتين وطريقة الاستعمالات اللغوية المعاصرة لكل من اللغتين.
بالنسبة لترجمة الآيات القرآنية، هناك ترجمات معتمدة للقرآن الكريم يحسن العودة إليها عند الضرورة لتفادي الوقوع في الخطأ.
عبارة Raja laughed her heart out هي ترجمة مقبولة مع أنني أفضل She had a hearty laugh كذلك عبارة Raja smiled heartily يمكن الإستعاضة عنها بعبارة she said smilingly (قالت باسمة). كذلك there is so much to say يكفي القول there is much to say.
الجملة I will summarize it in a few words تبدو طويلة ويمكن اختزالها إلى I'll be brief
بالنسبة للعبارة I decided not to attend my job unless our child is two years old يلزمها بعض الصقل فكلمة attend تشير إلى الحضور وليس الذهاب، وكلمة unless ينبغي أن تكون until فتصبح الجملة:
I have decided not to go back to work until our child is two وكلمة two تفهم هنا على أنها two years old
بخصوص كلمة unquestionable أراها في غير محلها وبالإمكان الإستعاضة عنها بكلمة final
هذه بعض الأمثلة التي طلبتها آمل أن يكون بها بعض فائدة. لا أقطع أن ما ذكرته هنا هو الصواب، لكنه كذلك من وجهتي نظري بحسب ما فهمته من النص.
تمنياتي بالتوفيق وإلى الأمام

[تسنيم رجب]

thank u brother that was more accurate than what i did... i shall sure consider that...